In the midst of challenge or stress, tragedy or transformation, the outside world often has little knowledge about the inner workings of our private lives. Here at this PlayConnect+ playgroup, what is felt more than anything, is an understanding.
Parents and their babies and toddlers with special needs are warmly welcomed. They have a place to belong, be heard and seen.
Often grappling with fresh diagnosis, perpetual change and a deep desire to help their child in any way possible, the parents have their own needs. For without a listening ear and a space to share their story, isolation can creep up like quicksand.
Lucia and her three-year-old son Maxie have been attending two PlayConnect+ playgroups and look forward to the sessions each week.
Lucia talks about the isolation they felt when they first arrived in Melbourne from Singapore, seeking allied medical support. They were navigating the system with a child who has a permanent disability, managing new therapies and seeking meaningful opportunities for him.
Lucia reached out blindly to PlayConnect+, to see if it was something that might suit Maxie.
“We had been to other playgroups before but the dynamic is a bit different when you have neuro typical kids that are running and doing all these things and the parents are looking at you like, ‘What’s wrong with your child’ and when they ask you that question, it is just shockingly, sometimes can be…”
Lucia gathers her thoughts: “Because you go through so much grief in digesting the diagnosis of your child or the challenges that your child has but for us, this has been a sacred, safe space.”
“We not only connect emotionally from the challenges that we go through but also due to the fact of the camaraderie. The support between all of us and also the facilitation of Naomi to help guide us into resources that we might need and then just simply seeing the joy in our kids.”
You can see everyone attending reaches out to celebrate the joy.
“You get surprises all the time, smiles playgroup helper Mayuri. “We just have to wait for the surprises.”
“It’s like, we have to tell, that you aren’t the only person, we all are together so we will make it through all these rough times and it will be a beautiful journey.”
Mayuri had her child very early. Her baby was born pre-term at 25 weeks. For a whole year, she was thrust into a world of medical reports and uncertainties, during Melbourne lockdowns. Mayuri’s family had not long moved from overseas. She did not socalise for an extended period. She said that playgroup helped her out of the head space she found herself in, that she describes as a danger ‘zone’.
“I wasn’t myself.”
“My maternal child health nurse encouraged me to join a playgroup. That was a really good thing. That really helped me a lot with my son, as well as the things I had to face and what I can do for my son.”
From there, Mayuri was not only gathered support and information about services, she was rebuilding her sense of self and establishing a community around her.
“I just thought, this is my family now.”
“I was growing a lot, being so happy from my inner side, that brought me out of my zone. I wasn’t even able to speak out or ask for help. This encouraged me. You are okay, are you okay- how it is asked to you- this is really important on those days when you find lots of difficulties.”
Mayuri became a PlayConnect+ play support helper after her child moved onto school. Not only had her local playgroup community built her confidence, but it also gave her purpose, to help others in the way that she had been helped.
“We really need playgroups,” said Mayuri.
“Once you meet someone and have some catch ups, even other families from Australia, they still need groups where they communicate, they share.”
"There is no other place where you can share but here there is no one to judge you- that’s the main thing, you can share it out with your heart and that heaviness just goes away if you say it.”
Throughout the morning, many of the families talk about Nanna. That is what they call her. Nanna, Maureen, is nearly 79 and has been volunteering at this playgroup for eight years.
Nanna first became involved when she met a family from India, new to Australia. Their daughter needed a liver transplant and during the tumultuous time Nanna said to the mother, “We will try and find you a playgroup.”
“They needed something like a community to try and get introduced to people, especially with a child who needed support.”
Nanna talks about how she loves children and you can see she means it. Her children and grandchildren are now grown up and she enjoyed coming to playgroup so much, she has never stopped.
“They are just so beautiful and innocent. They are so honest and that really comes across as being fair dinkum with children. I like being a bit silly, playing games and make-believe and they love that. Children, they are just beautiful.”
Nanna said that some families haven’t got an older person in their lives- a grandma or the like. There is such value in the wisdom and kindness, the patience and the attention, the time taken to listen. Nanna is present and arrives early with a tray of homemade sandwiches to share.
“It is a big, hard world out there now too I suppose and I have seen a lot of changes but children are still the same and children with special needs are even more special, they are just wonderful. I am getting a bit teary actually. I can’t help it.”
Naomi Jeffree’s has been the facilitator here for over a decade and like Nanna, loves the sense of belonging and care that they have created at this playgroup for those with special needs:
“Some people say that it's only two hours a week, that it's just a playgroup, but in my mind, it can be so much more. It's a lifeline for some of these families, a very unique space that is sincere, safe, and kind. It is a place where families can feel like they belong, to share with like-minded people and to truly connect. It's a place where disability can be honoured, grieved, shared, and yes, celebrated.”
Judy has been a long-term PlayConnect+ attendee and drops in whenever she can. She has three children with disabilities and here she finds comfort.
“It lessens the isolating feeling. You feel less alone.”
“Sometimes when you have kids with extra needs it can make you feel like you are the only person in the world going through this. You sit in your four walls, your child is having a meltdown or they have just hurt themselves or you can’t console them and you sit there and you just feel like you are the only person going through it. Coming here reminds you that there are other people going through it and you feel connection to the community.”
Judy loves to share in the moments, such as Lucia playing in the sandpit with her son. Everyone can’t help but stop and watch on as Maxie is beaming with pure delight.
Maxie was unable to walk when he first came to PlayConnect+. There was a large step to enter the building. Lucia mentioned this and now she marvels at a ramp.
“This is huge. It’s huge!” exclaims Lucia.
“Naomi arranged it all. I said to her, it really goes to you because you heard my concern as a parent around accessibility and you immediately took urgency and action and we came back and there is a ramp. That is when you see the level of care.”
Lucia and her husband Matt weave in Maxie’s exercises while he is immersed in the playgroup experience. At home, Lucia said he knows he is having to work, but here the exercises can transform into play. Moreover, it is a shared celebration. Everyone here is sharing the progress. You can see they are genuinely thrilled to watch Maxie grow and as part of that, reap the rewards of friendship and belonging.
The parents and carers chat in little spurts as they look after their children. Lucia said that over time these relationships grow and grow.
“For us this is coming home, that’s why we are all so excited to come. It is like coming to visit family for a Christmas party. For us, it is amazing. It’s beyond the play, it’s beyond the structure and all of that, it’s also the relationships that are fostered.”
“You do foster those connections and there is that underlying understanding that you don’t even need to talk about what we go through, which is an understanding. Sometimes it is very hard for families of special needs to really feel because our lived experience is very different from the lived experiences of other families- so when you come in and there is that implicit understanding there, you foster the friend connection and the friend relationship.”
Many of the people at playgroup are nearly moved to tears when they talk about the gratitude they feel for finding this group.
In a world where people often react to events and happenings, seeking a quick fix or solution, here they receive a simple gift: that is someone to listen.
Incrementally the facilitators help the families to safer shores, making little adjustments along the way. They help connect them with services. They advocate for the families, like petitioning to the council to get a ramp installed. They create storyboards at the entrance so that both the families and children know what to expect for the day, they can prepare themselves.
After 14 years, Naomi the primary facilitator here is moving on to a new role.
“Naomi is a wonderful, giving, very giving giving person,” said Nanna. “I love her. Love her very much. She is a beautiful human being.”
After a pause Nanna adds, “That’s what I am saying by fair dinkum, I know that is an old-fashioned expression- but being a fair dinkum person, you don’t want the accolades, you are doing it with your heart and the love that you’ve got for the children. Very much so. Very, very much so.”
And that goes for everyone here, they are doing it with their hearts and the love they have for their children. And although sometimes it is the hardest thing they have ever done, their love never waivers. These kids, they are special and they will bring their specialness to the world- and in return, what they give their parents in thanks, is their forever love.
Article by Sinead Halliday
Photography by Mylie Nauendorf
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