“8 years ago I moved to kyneton a country town, with my 8 month old, within a week of moving here I joined the local playgroup. I was lucky enough to meet some lovely people, who I still talk to now. I joined the committee to help get involved, it was wonderful being able to feel useful, not just as a mum. I helped with some big changes like a new playground, fruit time for kids, create a kids cd inspired by the bunny song! I also loved helping out at the local show with baking yummy things and spreading the word about playgroup.

I was able to help some mums who were really struggling with motherhood, making them realise they were not alone, they will make mistakes, and some days you need to sit back and watch the kids play.”

Sandra Dykmans is feeling nostalgic. Her playgroup years are drawing to a close but there is a part of her not wanting to let go. It has been part of her life for eight years. During that time she has forged some great friendships, she has been part of the committee and found meaning in her wider community.

After moving to Kyneton in Victoria’s Macedon Ranges region, it was playgroup that started a defining chapter in Sandra’s life.

“I think it is about realising that you’re not alone. I think it is about realising that you’re not the only one going through sleepless nights, you’re not the only one who is struggling to get your kids to eat anything but fish fingers or chicken nuggets because we all go through that phase.”

“I used to always say to mums, ‘If you are having a bad day, just let us know. We will look after your kids, you go have a snooze in the corner. Have a rest while we look after your kids’.”

Sandra met people at playgroup that are now friends for life. She recalls one mum coming along with her kids. That meeting turned out to have a profound impact on her life.

“She turned up to playgroup and I welcomed her in. I suppose I gave her a cuddle on that first day because she just looked like she needed it.”

The two mums clicked. The very next week they were catching up for coffee, catching up at each other’s houses, baby sitting each other’s kids. When Sandra’s friend was moving it was Sandra sitting on the floor helping her pack. Within three months of knowing one another Sandra was invited to her wedding. When she had doctors appointments Sandra would come over and mind the kids, doing the dishes.

“That’s the sort of friends we made.”

 Sandra now knows that her friend suffers severe depression.

“She said, without me, she was struggling to cope with life itself at the time because she had a severely autistic child who she was having trouble with.”

“She said, I had got her through that part of her life, through playgroup.”

Sandra’s playgroup welcomed many people, from many walks of life, going through various ages and stages: mums, grandmas, dads, little kids and bigger kids.

“We used to have a couple of dads who would always come in and make everyone coffees. It was just a family and if people weren’t there we would call them and we were concerned about them. That was the community that we were.”

Sandra said that she was made to feel welcome and enjoyed making others feel welcome.

“When I was a first time mum I found that when you have your baby it is full of excitement and then you hit the six month mark to a year and you think, what next, everyone else is going to work but what am I doing.”

Keeping the playgroup regular helped to keep this group connected over the years.

At one point 30 people would attend the one playgroup session.

“It was manic with all of the different kids inside and outside. It was crazy but it was great because everyone knew everyone.”

Sometimes the group would end up at the community lunch.

“We would sit among the different families or older people and the older people would sit there talking to the kids which was wonderful.”

Over time, as the camaraderie grew, trust stemmed from that. Sandra recalls watching her eldest son James having a wrangle with another boy. She and the boy’s grandma watched on from afar as the children stirred each other up. They sorted it out by themselves.

“The funny thing is, they are in school together and they get on really well. They are good mates now.”

When Sandra first started attending playgroup they had just put a garden bed in and it full of herbs. It was November and she thought, let’s put some tomato plants in.

“I used to like growing things that the children could eat then and there. You can put a bowl of tomatoes on the table and even the babies will try the different things.”

One year the playgroup decided to put carrots in. Sandra asked a young boy if he would like a carrot.

“I took him over to the garden and said, ‘Let’s pull it out’ and he looked at me in disgust and said, ‘Excuse me, carrots don’t come from the garden, they come from the shop!’”

“We showed him and had a bucket of water so that he could clean it. For the coming weeks, and many weeks after that, he was always walking around with a carrot in his mouth.”

Looking back, Sandra can see it was all of those little things that come together to make greater sense of the big things. It was the relationships, the kids playing and learning in the comfort of the playgroup that they knew and the people that they knew.

At her first playgroup, Sandra did not feel quite at home. She was glad she tried it again when she moved regionally. She encourages families to return to playgroup if they are a little unsure.

“Try and don’t just try it for the first time. Try a couple of different days because on different days you see different people and you never know. You never know what it’s going to be like and it’s never going to hurt to go.”

“It makes you feel a lot more comfortable in life, I guess.”

“I’m going to miss it.”

 Article by Sinead Halliday